I reserve the vast majority of my anger for my WH, of course, but there is plenty to go around. He humiliated me by going out of his way to introduce me to every woman he cheated with (two physical, one emotional/online-sexual), and even make them my "friends." One was in our wedding-- let's call her Delilah(he didn't technically cheat w/her during our relationship, but remained "friends" with her after having been HER AP before we began dating-- and she remained married throughout). Same to some degree with nearly every one of the dozens of women he "flirted" with in highly inappropriate sexual and romantic ways.
I won't go into the "whys" in this post, I understand how sociopathic it seems (is). But related to this, he never really spoke a negative word about me to any of them. A couple definitely assumed some things-- they'd have to think I was stupid or pathetic or actually approved of his behavior almost by definition. But they were my "friends" partly because he spoke highly of me-- and they met and liked me.
I feel utterly humiliated after these revelations-- main DDays were Fall of 2022. (FTR, actual affairs were all over arguably at least 18 years ago and even the betrayal-level inappropriate "banter" with the near-APs seems by my surveillance and polygraph to have been 90% over at least 5 years ago... though he never went NC with any of them until 2022 and still considered many "friends.")
SO MANY WOMEN shared these secrets (see Omar Minwalla's "Secret Sexual Basement") with him while he blatantly disrespected me. Since Delilah tried to contact him twice recently with new phone/FB accounts (he blocked her immediately), I have been thinking, too, about his passive behavior with everyone else who has harmed me, in favor of affirming his own "okayness" and not ruffling their feathers lest he lose their "friendship" or whatever. Though anything resembling actual negative talk about me seems to have been mostly limited to Delilah-- and in another way, a couple of his former associates and his family-- he would let them talk a certain amount of sh*t about me and not respond to it-- but not defend me, either. I directly witnessed this with his family-- though he stood up to one member in a majorly affirming way in summer of 2023-- and I saw it in old messages between him and Delilah. She'd make a "subtly" disrespectful remark about me and he would ignore it, but... you shouldn't be ignoring that sh*t!!!??
Lately I keep seeing visions of these women grinding their high heels on my face. And him letting them, of course.
He has thrown them largely under the bus at this point, but I want to do some ritual to just get my aggression out, or put them back in their proper place, or... something.
Figuratively. Of course.
I'm not saying I want to burn them in effigy.... but I'm not NOT saying that.
Anyone have any ideas? And of how I can maybe involve WH too? He's doing a lot of work to break down and discard this extraordinarily disrespectful, frankly shocking mindset and tendency to "compartmentalize"-- which came both from his narcissistic FOO and from Delilah (she seduced him-- yeah, really-- when he was just 20 and she was older-- then made WH HER husband's friend, in order to have greater access to WH and also for whatever her own f'ed up or sadistic reasons).
WH himself has the vast majority of the h*ll to pay on this issue. Not to mention continued deep work (he now is in three kinds of weekly counseling and starting a fourth).
But for me? Besides living well, being much more beautiful, smarter, and obviously a better person than any of them... And NOT wanting to contact any of them or give them any satisfaction by letting them know I hate them...
Anything you have done or recommend? Thanks.