SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Hi, everyone
I found this site and see it is a wealth of information.
I'm glad I'm not alone in this one.
Brief background: Married for the second time. The second wife is much younger and we have two small children. She decided to stray from the marriage shortly after the second child was born, getting a boob job and other cosmetic changes to make her more attractive physically. I always had the suspicion that she was beginning to look for a replacement and after being gaslight for months, with her telling me I was paranoid and should take medicine, I found texts between her and her boss, complete with dick pics and full frontal nudies from her in the bathtub. The latter were taken just behind a closed door while my kids and I watched TV. Class act. Just don't know what to do.
The kids are very precious.
My parents tell me to focus on the kids and ignore the wife. She's pursuing a fantasy. Take care of yourself.
Any suggestions from those that have been here?
Thanks
C

I wouldn't sweep it under the rug the way your parents are suggesting. Unless of course, you are fine with her having an affair as long as she always come home to you.

You don't write much about how this makes you feel or what you want here. That might help with advice.

I will say this: She will treat you like you allow her to treat you.

He is her boss. The company might frown on that. Also if he is married let his wife know immediately.

Your wife might be the kind to try to “trade up", when truthfully she would be trading down and so would he.

We have very little to go on here. What do you want? It might help you to visit an attorney to see options should she decide to leave the marriage…or you might. Also if this is affecting your sleep and appetite see a dr for some temporary meds.

[This message edited by Cooley2here at 8:57 PM, Monday, October 21st]

Sure hope she signed a pre-nup…..

My parents tell me to focus on the kids and ignore the wife.

Just to be clear, divorce is not inconsistent with your parents advice.

Check out the healing library here. Pay particular attention to the simplified 180.

Ic my parents had told me to focus on the children and ignore the wife, I would be FURIOUS!

Are theh suggesting it is ok to be betrayed? Id it because they selfishly think they want to be able to see the children so who cares if their dad is bei v betrayed??

I would take photos of the evidence, contact the boss’s wife and speak to her at the same time. Be prepared to be more gaslit and lied to. Your wife has no morals.

Protect yourself and the children and do not allow your parents to gaslight you more than they have already done.

What kind of support do you expect from this community?

Hi
Yes, I didn't supply much information b/c I didn't want to burden people with too much information.
Wife's behavior is awful.
First, I've already been through one divorce and custody battle. Wifey 1 wanted to return to her home country and I had to stay for work. She's still here.
Sticking around for the kids is often a response initially as we try to sort out our feelings. It gives us some stability.
Also, making a life altering decision without letting some time pass is also the wrong move. It's an organic process.
I have a PI on her to fill out the rest of the puzzle for adultery in my state. I also have feelers out to look at speaking with her boss and others. These things take a little time to be done right. I'm sleeping OK.
I'm also older and so I see things in a different light. No excuses. But I've seen the worst in human behavior. This is not the worst I've seen.
She is trying to trade up. There's no way this guy would marry her. I don't know many 50 year old men who would want to go through a divorce and marry a twice married divorcee with two little kids. Plus in my state it takes a while to go through a divorce.
I feel awful but she has been an awful wife since the initial love bombing stage was over. I'm used to the shitty behavior and as more time passes my respect for her diminishes to almost zero.
Believe me, other people know what's going on with her. The women at the office surely know.. And this guy surely is telling his buddies about this married woman who is sexting him. I suspect they think it's funny in a tragic way. Another reason this guy wouldn't marry her. Can you imagine?
I have a pre and post nup with her so the finances are fine. The kids are the only uncertain issue.
What do I want here? Just some support as I go through this since I don't want to speak to many people about my crappy life.
But right now, I'm watching TV with the kids and she is out with a girlfriend (truthfully) getting loaded and stuffing her face.
She's trash. I have to chart my new life with the kids. It takes time. But I will be in a better position in the near future.
Thanks for the kind and helpful words.

Sorry that you're joining us and welcome to SI. There are some pinned posts at the top of the page that we encourage newbies to read, along with those with the bull's eye icon. You might have to scroll down to find those. The Healing Library is a great resource and has the list of acronyms we use.

For me, IC (Individual counseling) with a betrayal trauma specialist was very helpful for my healing process. My XWH has a personality disorder, and I dealt with a lot of gaslighting. I found Dr. Ramani's YouTube videos helpful in understanding the gaslighting and other emotional abuse he put me through.

Remember, your children will learn about relationships from you. How you and your WW (wayward wife) treat each other is probably what they will mirror in their relationships.

Practice self-care at this time and take care of you and your children.

Thanks, lea fields,
The current wife certainly does have a personality disorder along with zero morals.
Dr Ramani's vids are good. She has helped me a lot with narcs and cheating. She is right on.
The kids are learning about parenting and relationships. That, I can agree with, easily.
My eldest from the first marriage is an excellent kid. And even though I miss her terribly when she is gone our relationship is rock solid. It might not have been that way if I stayed married to the first wife, who consistently tried to alienate me from my kid.
I'll keep you all posted as time passes. This will turn out OK. The more time I spend around the current wife the more miserable I am.
She is just an awful, self centered bimbo: drinks every day, takes prozac and diet pills, runs to the cosmetic surgeon for the latest skin treatment to make her look younger. The list goes on.
Thanks to all.

Very sorry you find yourself here. Thanks for filling in more of the background. My heart goes out to your children to have such a self absorbed, selfish mother. The behavior you describe is not only painful for you, but being so absorbed with your looks and men, leaves little time for precious children. Please keep notes and document times when she neglects her children. This info is important down the line as you probably know having gone thru a custody battle. Take care of you and your kids as much as you can. Good luck.

Merci, fareast - keeping a journal of the times is key. I recall doing this the first time around and it helped.
Enjoy the evening.