SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

So DDay was roughly 7 months ago. My WH swore at the beginning he told me everything and then I found pictures that he denied sending to his AP. This led to him realizing (or so I think) how important telling the truth is. He divulged information to me that I wouldn't have otherwise been able to find on my own. My questions is, what do you do when things just seem fishy? I.e. he says he can't remember the password to the secret email he had? Or the skype account password that he told me he used a site that creates random email information to log in? I am one of those people that need as many details as possible and want to know the full depth of it all. He is in IC for this all but that will only be as good as what he chooses to tell his therapist. We have discovered how much he truly tried to minimize and compartmentalize all the things around cheating so can't it be so ingrained that they continue to do so?

Selective memory

In my case, as I am also detail orientated, I kept a spreadsheet of questions I had and then his lame ass excuses.

IMHO they do it for the same reason teenagers lie about breaking curfew - so they break you down enough you just STFU and they get away with it.

You are under no obligation to buy the bullshit they trying to sell.

IDK ... I was very protective of my identity. I created a special email address for joining SI.

I remember most passwords. I gave that email address a very obvious password. That is, I gave it a password that no one would be able to figure out without brute force password cracker. It was long. It was personal. It combined personal info from separate parts of my life. It was burned into my memory. It didn't need to be remembered... and I forgot it. That is, I forgot the email address. By the time I realized it was recorded in my SI profile, I had forgotten the password.

So I can believe your H forgot the stuff you reported.

But what do you think? How does you H behave when the topic comes up. Do you believe him or not? If you don't, is it your fear or his non-verbal communication?

So I can believe your H forgot the stuff you reported.
But what do you think? How does you H behave when the topic comes up. Do you believe him or not? If you don't, is it your fear or his non-verbal communication?

He doesn’t act any different when I question him about but then again he obviously has become comfortable with lying. I mostly have doubt because it just doesn’t make sense to me. If something was so important to him - he was desperate and seemed addicted to what he was doing- you’d think he protect it and ensure he could access it.

Shouldn't there be an "I forgot my password" link, at least for the email account?

Yes…the email was from a while ago…so now he doesn’t even remember the email to log into…that being said, from when we did try to get into it…he forgot the security questions because he said when he set it up…he put whatever for those…and then couldn’t remember the answers…convenient or a legit slight of memory?

You are at a crossroad here.

Let’s take the path that he’s telling the truth. He really doesn’t remember and he’s not purposely trying to hide anything. Can you accept that?

Let’s take the path he does know the PW but is so afraid you will see something and Divorce him because it was "that bad" or the "thing" that pushed you over the edge. Can you accept that?

Unfortunately as a betrayed spouse you most likely will not get 100% of the truth.

But only you can decide what you need to heal and then hope you get it. But often a betrayed spouse is forced to have accept some things - whether they are the full truth or mostly true or some things are kept hidden.

Some things may be dealbreakers too. Like not getting access to emails or secret accounts, etc. but each betrayed is different. Sine can "agree to disagree" on a point while others just know they cannot stay w/ someone who they believe is lying and hiding things.

I hope this helps you.

Very good advice ^

You're not going to get every answer. If you doubt the validity of these answers, you could always ask for a polygraph.

@the1stwife - that is all very good to consider. I’m still at the stage where I feel pushed and pulled in all different directions. One day I feel like I have enough info and then the next I spiral and it all goes to crap. I will keep what you said on my mind though and try to work through it.

@sacredsoul33 - I would LOVE to do a polygraph with him. However, the closest one is a few hours away and it’s a little weird for us Canadians to venture into the US right now….