SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

It has happened a number of times over the years. I was his first, even though I had a number of men before him. It particularly broke my heart because we had a unique love affair, travelling across the world to be with each other.

He always breaks down and admits it, eventually or immediately saying he's sorry. It has been like this on again off again for the past 10 years, even though we are not divorced nor do we sleep together, and our 3 kids live with me, and at the moment he sleeps in a different part of the house.

While it greatly saddens me, especially when he's said he won't do it again and does it eventually anyway (of course I don't believe him anymore), the thought of it, either past or rather recent infidelities, somehow erotically excites me.

In part I am sure that it is a kind of defense mechanism. It already happened, so my mind, etc., better just make the best of it. I assure you that I never wanted it to happen.

He has given me quite a bit of details about the sex he's had with these girls, partly because he volunteered the information, and partly because I asked, and that certainly helps to fuel my erotic excitement/curiosity about the sex he's had with them/

Sometimes I cry over the situation, sometimes it makes me horny, sometimes both at the same time. I'm not sure how many other men or women have felt this way, but I'm curious as to how many have. I'm also not sure how much detail I can share on this forum, but I'd really like to know how many other people have felt this way, especially the women. Thank you

Sometimes I simply can't get the picture of him making love to these women, even from years ago, out of my head. I know what all of them looked like. To think of him getting an erection over their nakedness, especially when I was his first, is so strangely erotic to me. He's told me the positions they made love in, what they looked like naked compared to me, that I was the only woman that could make him orgasm orally except for one, who he emphasized made him cum twice.

The pleasure they would give each other, the sounds they made, the fact it even happened at all, at the same time makes me extremely sad and very horny. It is a dilemma I guess I will just have to live with, but I still wonder if anyone else has ever felt that way.