SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Strange question (maybe not)..did any of you feel the need or ever get to the point where you finally told your WS that you forgave them? Forgetting never happens but I think forgiveness can. Did you feel the need to verbalize this or was it just implied over time? It seems like it would be a pretty significant moment during the R process. I don't know if and when I'll get there but I feel like I'm moving towards it.

I did, but much too early. Long brfore my fWW had earned my forgiveness.
Had I waited to see if she'd made changes, I might not have.

I forgave her at the jump, and I meant it. I had to tell her a few times before she believed me.

It was as much about me giving her the room to be better and do better, and me some room to work with on deciding what I was going to do next.

For me, resentment is drinking poison expecting the other person to die. Whether I stayed or left, I needed my peace.

Ten years later, we're working on my wife forgiving herself. I think she has made progress, but I kind of need her to be good with her at some point too.

While the behavior in an A is hauntingly similar, healing is different and very individual. It is kind of about what YOU need.

I can say my wife ran with the grace I offered, she never thought she would get a fair shot. I understand, infidelity is as unfair as it gets.

For us, it helped (when we were ready) to both be all in on the rebuild.

The all-in didn't begin in earnest for two years, although, we kept reaching out during the tougher days.

I forgave him. At the time, what I said was more aspirational than 100% forgiveness. He was facing a serious health issue. We weren't sure of the outcome. He's fine now. I didn't want him to pass without hearing that from me. He earned it. I'm not sure I completely believed it at the time.

I've forgiven OW....not that I would waste the breath to tell her that. I did that for me. Makes it a little easier for her to become the random stranger she once was. Working toward benign indifference there.

Took me 6 years to forgive.

I think he needed to hear it more than I needed it. But it was a good for both of us that I was able to forgive.

I never did. Told her I accepted what she did. Would never forgive what she did. Her actions had consequences she didn’t expect. Divorce was never on the table . Now it’s on the menu. Either side can now choose it. But I never even considered it before the affair. And she was on a pedestal. She’s human now. And I treat her like one. She said I love her differently. I told her I do. Because I’m different from your choices. Careful what you wish for.

I want to. I want to say the words, but if I do they'll just be empty and hollow. Tho I do admire Oldwounds' approach in forgiveness right away, I'm just not feeling it and would feel fake if I said it. I think it will come. Eventually. Maybe sooner than later, but I can't say it if I don't mean it. I'm working on it tho. She's bending over backwards to earn it and beats herself up every day over it. I also agree that resentment is like swallowing poison and expecting the other person to suffer from it.