Boundary crossed

Married 15 years with kids, I’ve been clear about boundaries in marriage, one of which was no exchange of cell phone to female coworkers or have female coworker friends. He does have some female coworkers in his phone, who I personally know and it’s supervises that he may need to call if he’s calling off etc.

Went through his phone, didn’t recognize name, in text messages,

women asked how are you guys doing?

He replied, better, it was hard time she was always nagging and in a bad mood and I just didn’t know what was going on.

She replied, yeah I’ve gone through the same with my husband, good you guys are better.

He replied, thank you.

No other messages

Confronted him, he said it was a coworker who he confided in a few months ago when he and I were going through a rough patch that last 1.5months of arguments. I explained how I felt betrayed, upset and many other feelings that not only did he hide this communication with her, he crossed a specific boundary, and was basically trash talking about me in a difficult time in our marriage.

He apologized and said he knew it was wrong so messages were deleted, but really needed to vent. There was no other relationship with her, and it was mostly about the hard path we went through, not many other conversations with this female.

I’m turned off, feel disrespected, told him he lost his trust, he has poor decision making and that this is not what I want to be going through at this point in our lives. I don’t need betrayal and unease, he’s continuing to apologize and assure me nothing happens aside from those texts and how he doesn’t want to loose me or break up the family. He’s also giving me time as I said I needed time to process this.

3 comments posted: Thursday, February 27th, 2025