BH (50s) WW (50s) EA 2008, EA 2009

Confessed the first, I caught her the second.

Not sure what to call it, but I guess we're in R.

Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in!

Welp.

My semi-regular vent/overthinking session.

Not going to rehash everything. But a quick summary...WW was engaged to someone before me. He was "the one" and he dumped her because of various red flags just before they were to get married. She married the rebound guy (me)...emotional affairs...caught...remorse...tried to make up for it...sort of reconciled now....yada. yada.

Important points...she was not over him for a long time after we got together. Once she was over him, she couldn't see me as good enough. After the fallout of her affairs, she took those words back and said she was stupid and I was Mr. Right and "the one" all along. And I would say as far as actions and words go, I have no reason to doubt the change.

So...I just found out that her ex cheated on his now wife...multiple times. I know this because she caught him and as a part of his punishment, he has to reach out to the families of all of his indiscretions. This is surprising. He was a friend before I knew my WW, and I never would have thought him capable of it.

Before you say it...this is not going quite where you think. He had to reach out to me because he attempted to make a connection with my WW about 12 or so years ago. This would be after WW's EAs were over and she was attempting to make amends to me, while I was checked out and sulking. The ex says my WW never responded despite multiple attempts. His wife confirmed to me that the messages she saw were one way from the ex to my WW and that she couldn't find any response from WW.

But...WW never told me about this. On the one hand, she didn't respond. On the other, she should have told me.

As a part of our attempted reconciliation, WW does not delete messages and I always have access to her devices (as does she to all of mine). I was not constantly snooping...but I snooped enough over the years that I think I would have caught the messages if they came through. Maybe he was blocked...?

I confronted her. Her response was "I told you that your were better than him. You never would have done anything like that!". I think she mistook what I was asking. She took it as an opportunity to praise me. I corrected her and told her I was upset that she didn't tell me.

Side note...usually, she will start sobbing and apologizing for putting me in a position to feel uncomfortable. This time her nostrils flared and she started shaking her finger at me telling me she is "not that person anymore"....lol...she looked like the old her for a couple of minutes. Not in a bad way

She claims she never got the messages. She doesn't remember ever blocking him, but she didn't keep his number after they broke up. But she also says that there were many things happening at the time he claims to have reached out, and that she just didn't pay attention to any of it as she was terrified of losing me and was fully focused on that. I don't have her old devices and we have changed carriers, so I don't have access to any old messages.

I've been doing pretty good. I don't know why this has knocked me off kilter. I believe WW. But damn...is this sort of thing always going to set me off? 2 steps forward, 1 step back, 1 step forward 3 steps back... And on. And on.

I suppose in general I am trending positive. Maybe I'll soon be at the point I stop thinking of my wife as "WW". I think that will be a good success/milestone.

5 comments posted: Wednesday, October 16th, 2024