I keep messing up
My husband admitted going into a hotel and touching a woman fairly early on in our marriage. It was at a family wedding which I went to the day but for and left to look after our young children so left him to it. He told be 17 years later. And also that he kissed a woman on the pub. I was/am devastated. He told me the 2.5 years ago and we’ve had huge problems since. Mostly on my side because he won’t give me all the details - like how did you end up in a hotel room with a naked lady, how long were to talking what exactly happened etc I want every detail. He denied kissing her but a month ago told me he probably did kiss her which made me feel a little better as at least he was ‘starting to tell me what I need to know.
We’ve 3 children at home so I really want it to work but I keep getting angry about it - he’s like it has no relevance to our life now which in a way is true but I just don’t seem to beable to let it go, it is constantly on my mind. I’ve had counselling, but high didn’t really help. He doesn’t get me at all and although he says not he’s been cruel in some ways. Since DD she’s not told me he loves me but has done nice things like boooked 2 holidays, he says this should be enough and I should feel lucky that he’s always provided for the family, which I am greatful for I have always worked mostly part time. I just keep getting over emotional and cross and end up ruining evenings as I keep bring it up. Then I have to apologise the next day and he won’t talk to me for a few days then repeat. I don’t want to be this person. I want to be happy it’s like my whole foundation has crumbled and I can’t get it back. And advice greatfully received
11 comments posted: Monday, October 21st, 2024
Not allowed to talk
here is the story I’m not allowed to talk about of grieve or make sense of. Been together with my husband for 22 years. It’s been a I suppose traditional marriage with him having a lot more freedom than I. I’ve always trusted him to an extent but he’s a very strong person and if anyone questions him he gets angry very quickly. Back in April he admitted going into a hotel room with a woman 17ish years ago. It was at a wedding I was at too but I had to go home and look after our young children. He claims he touched her privates but they didn’t have sex. I obviously don’t believe this and he gets very cross if I try and question him over it. His stance is it was a long time ago so it doesn’t matter. He also admitted kissing a woman in a pub. I know he’s had messages over the years from other women. I’m lost and broken. It may have been a long time ago for him but for me I’ve only recently found out. I am finding it hard that he’s lied to me for all these years. I now have a completely different past to the one I thought I had. All happy memories have gone and been replaced. If I’d know at the time I wouldn’t have stayed. He has been a bully to me and the kids for the first 15 years of our relationship. I would never have married him if I’d known, moved house etc. I feel robbed of the life I thought I had. I don’t know if I can get past this. I can’t talk to him about it as he just gets so angry. I’m desperately sad and depressed. I feel so much shame and I hate the person this has made me become. I’ve been a rubbish mum this summer and all I want to do is cry and stay in bed although I’ve been to work every day. I’m so tired and lost. I’m having counselling please can anyone tell me if this feeling will ever end.
I know I may never get over it without being aloud to talk about it. But that’s my lot in life. I know people will say to leave if he won’t let me talk about it but it’s not that straight forward as I do love him. I hate myself right now and I hate my life.
29 comments posted: Sunday, September 11th, 2022
