Some questions before considering Reconciliation

I'm about a month since dday, not married, no kids. We've been together for 8.5 years. I found out WP had cheated on me a few times through out relationship. They are very remorseful, sought counselling and therapy and trying to turn their life around.

There are a few thoughts and questions I'm struggling with and I understand therapy might answer some, but they are things that I would like to have an idea on before deciding to R or not to R. If any of you have faced them, please let me know how you dealt or processed it.

1. I'm don't really feel the same for the WP anymore, the love is gone after finding out, does reconciliation only work if there is a feeling there and not just marriage or kids?

2. I'm struggling to name any good things about WP right now, did any of you struggle with this and did it improve as time went on?

3. Going forwards, I don't know what the WP would bring to the relationship, okay, they might be a better person and healed, but what's in it for me?

4. Why don't I find someone else? Why stay with someone who I hate and is the cause of my trauma?

5. When would I ever work on myself? If I was to reconcile with WP, I don't feel like I want to put the work in to change for them as I would someone new. But I realise the problems in the relationship before would still be there, and part of that I need to change. How can I do this, and at what point in the process would I be willing to?

Thank you for your replies in advance.

7 comments posted: Sunday, October 13th, 2024