never thought I would be in this position

We got married December 2,2021, I was 22 and he was 29. 

We had a baby girl on February 12, 2023. 

Got pregnant a second time but my husband convinced me that we needed to wait and have an abortion, I did that on November 25, 2024. Worst decision I ever made!

And how I got in trouble was with a guy from the gym. I started to kind of think about him more often just a month after my abortion. I don't blame the abortion on me being stupid, but I seriously wasn't doing all that good mentally and I wasn't really all that big of a fan of my husband during this time. 

It was February 22, 2025 when I cheated on my husband. I felt I needed the escape, I felt like I needed to be loved, I felt like I needed my body to become mine again, and yet when it was over I felt horrible and dirty and dead. I told myself that I would NEVER EVER EVER DO THAT AGAIN and to stay away from him and make myself believe that I NEVER DID IT! 

It was June 23, 2025 when I had sex with him again. Why I found myself back with him was because of a dumb argument I had with my husband, and the first thing I did was contacting GYM GUY and getting together with him the next morning. I felt dirty the entire time I was with him, and this time I basically walked away when it was over.
 
I joined this group on July 25th, but it took me all this time before I got myself to type something on here and ADMIT that I cheated on my husband. 

I still have not told my husband. I do love him, and I do regret what I did, but I can't get myself to tell him the truth. Our sex life is honestly much better, maybe because I convinced myself that I do love him and do want to be with him, but it still hurts that I cheated on him twice.

I have read several topics on here, some say to say nothing and some say to speak the truth. I just don't know.

2 comments posted: Monday, September 8th, 2025