History repeats itself

When I was in 8th grade, I found out my Dad had had an affair. I remember my Mom crying and sad. I remember all of a sudden, she started buying new, expensive clothes and dressing much nicer. We changed churches. One day at the mall I saw my Dad's OW, came home and innocently told my Mom who I'd seen. She said, "That's her. That's the bitch." I was so shocked! My parents went to marital counseling and there were shelves of marriage books that I started reading as a teen. Marriage Insurance and His Needs, Her Needs were my favorites.

When my husband and I started dating, we read the books together. We knew what we were supposed to do to affair-proof our marriage. We have 6 children together and have been married 28 years.

Now it's me sprucing myself up, buying new clothes, reading marriage books with fresh eyes...

One other thing I see in common is that in my Dad & Mom's case my Mom cared for her great-aunt, and then my Dad's Mom in their home. My mother came to live with us in a small apartment behind our home 7 years ago. She has Parkinson's so it's pretty labor-intense taking care of her.

It's just so uncanny. Deja vu.

0 comment posted: Saturday, January 24th, 2026

So angry at OW

Just read the post "Honey, they always affair down." Our D-day was December 7th, 2025. He's a public figure and owner of a company. The OW is beautiful, younger, a real asset to the company but other than those qualities she's a snake. No one in the company likes her and no one in her family likes her. We're building back our marriage. He's repentant and accepts all blame. He's accepting all restrictions... no communication, firing her, etc. He answers all my questions and says he would do anything for me. He was wrong and I know he was the one who walked down the aisle with me, but he is repentant. My anger is toward her. She would send me birthday messages every year. Mother's Day messages. I never initiated messages to her. Why would she send messages to me knowing she was having sex w my husband? We live in another country and the women here are very forward. They throw themselves at my husband and she was calculating. From her Instagram pictures, I understand now that she wanted to be the stepmother of my children and co-owner of my husband's business. I'm not excusing him. I know he accepted her advances. But I am so angry with her. I wrote her and asked her if it was possible I had a VD and she wouldn't even answer me. I got tested and I'm all clear, but it still makes me very angry that she didn't answer when she would send me unsolicitated birthday wishes. Her husband is sometimes abusive to her and I don't think it would be a good idea to tell him. But everything I'm reading here says to do it. I'm so angry. I want to hurt her. But even though I want to hurt her, I don't want to hurt her by telling her husband bc he might hurt her physically. I know she is hurting more than me. She's lost her love affair of 5 years and she's lost her job.. My husband was her unoficial counselor. The day I discovered their conversations, he was counseling her about how to get along with her husband who had come home drunk that day. He fired her Monday. It has taken so long bc first he had to understand that was the right thing to do and then the firing process had to go through our lawyer. Am I alone in this intense anger tower the OW? I really don't think it's the right thing to tell her husband. Am I wrong? How do I stop obsessing about her? When will these obtrusive thoughts stop?

36 comments posted: Friday, January 23rd, 2026