8 months out, considering R, but still hurting when I’m with him — what actually helped you?

I’m about 8 months out from DDay.

The past few months have been really hard， a lot of anxiety and depression. During that time, my H was present and available, which is part of why I’m starting to consider R.

But I’m struggling with how it actually feels day to day.

When I’m with him, I still see him as the person who hurt me so deeply. It’s not anger as much as sadness. I don’t feel safe or "in love" — just heavy and sad.

For those of you who are further along in R and feel like it worked (or is working):

What actually helped you get to a better place?
Did the feelings change gradually with consistent effort (check-ins, transparency, etc.), or were there specific moments that shifted things for you?
Besides the basics (like 100% transparency), what made the biggest difference?
What did your WS do — specifically — that helped you heal?

I read some posts and people keep saying the WS has done a lot of work, I'm curious what does that mean specifically?

1 comment posted: Sunday, April 26th, 2026

WS silence drives me crazy

I found out about the cheating 8 months ago, my husband (WS) maintained contact with AP behind my back so I was very determined to get a divorce. However, 6 months later, when he moved out, I got hit with extreme anxiety and depression. At first, I was able to function and feel better by talking to friends and working out, but it got so much worse that I can barely function. out of desperate move, I asked him to move back last week. He has always been nice to me, he said he doesn't want a divorce and he promised he has finally cut contact with other women, so I thought maybe I should consider reconciliation. However, he still doesn't want to talk about the affair, and refuse to communicate his real thoughts, and with my anxiety it makes me crazy when I have to beg him to talk and yet he would only squeeze out a few words. other than the affair, he'd be nice to me, and talk to me like nothing happened, he'd watch TV together and be there when I have anxiety or depression episodes. I honestly don't know what to do, I feel I'm stuck and every min of my life is meaningless and I'm just throwing away my life. Any thoughts or suggestions? anything would help.

5 comments posted: Thursday, April 23rd, 2026