SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I've been reading so much here. For someone who is struggling like me, to read of so many betrayed spouses forgiving and eventually reconciling, totally blows my mind. The level of hurt and betrayal you guys went through, and you had the strength to forgive.

Sometimes I really admire you and wish I had even half the strength that you have. Other times, I get angry and think that you are all a bunch of idiots for reconciling. Lol.

For my update:
My wife has circled back and now doesn't want us to move to the US any more. The reason? It's because I told her that in there, I would have an easier way of divorcing her compared to here in our country. I shouldnt have said it, but i was just being honest (easier to divorce, and I would still have better prospects with being with my son).

In our country, after an annulment (the only way to "divorce"), the father only is given some visitation rights

She has promised me equal time with my son if I go through annulment though, but is clear that she desperately doesnt want us to separate.

She has also given me an option of us going to the US for 3 months at a time for counselling. My parents would come with us, and we would leave our son with my parents while we sort our relationship out. She wants us to go on trips together, sort of a vacation. Aside from the counselling we would get, I think she's trying to make us go through a honeymoon for 3 months every year until I reconcile with her. Also, it has the added benefit of me not being able to gain citizenship. (if im not a US citizen, I cant file for dovorce, some thing like that)

If you were her BS, would you be touched by her plans? I admit that I felt special when she told me about this.

If one of your patients was telling you your story (not your WS story), what counsel would you give? Step back and try to give an objective opinion.

CMD,

I am sorry you are going through all this, and you are in the position you are currently in, as it seems that your WW is still trying to control the outcome of the M.

She manipulates you (through crying, self-harm, 'I will take a bath if you will promise me not to D', etc) so that she still gets her way. This is definitely not the thinking of a remorseful WS.

A remorseful WS would stop trying to control the outcome of the M. This thinking is still very wayward, as waywards thrive on controlling the outcome, and if you let her keep controlling you, you will never enter a true R. You would be enabling her destructive behaviour even more.

Your WWs thoughts are still of herself, and not you. What SHE wants, not what you NEED. Her actions and words show that she is protecting her alone, and not to try to repair the damage she caused. Still inward looking. Until she gets the light-bulb moment where she has to have an outward looking mindset, you will never even begin to start R.

*Edited for clarity*

[This message edited by RocketRaccoon at 6:41 AM, Wednesday, March 16th]