I wish I could say this was my first trip to SI. This is now my second go around. The first time was with my ex-husband, he had an affair of a few weeks that I discovered. We tried to work it out but got divorced a few years later. Now I'm back.
I've been with my partner for 8+ years. He travels a lot for work. When he got home from this latest trip, he was acting oddly. He told me it was jetlag (which made sense as he traveled over 4 time zones in 12 days, working 12-14 hour days). Yesterday, he came out of the bedroom and told me (while he was shaking) that he really fucked up. I immediately knew and asked him if he cheated on me and he said yes. He told me he slept with one of his client's contacts (it's a big corporation, and this person is a rep) on the last night of the trip.
I am so overwhelmed right now. Honestly, I think he did it because his business is taking off for the first time and he wants to be unencumbered with responsibilities. Another part of me thinks he just really fucked up. I don't even know what I want.
Before this trip we were building a life together. I bought a home large enough to accommodate his home office (much larger than what I wanted) and renovated for his needs. We were talking about getting married (we are all but married, registered domestic partners and all of the paperwork). And now I feel like I just had the rug pulled out from under me.
And I resent him for telling me. He knows how much my ex's infidelity hurt me. If he wanted out, end our relationship. If you fucked up, deal with it on your own. Don't put this on me. Having gone through this before, I can't help but think about what is wrong with me. The common denominator, after all, is me. It's so fucking humiliating.
Yesterday, after he told me, I went for a bike ride, ran some errands, and cleaned the house. I have a date with a girlfriend today for brunch that I intend to keep. I have my annual well woman exam next week where I now get to ask for a full STI panel. I'm going to start doing the 180 to get me back to me.
God, I forgot how much this hurts.
[This message edited by hurtbs at 3:33 PM, Sunday, September 4th]