New here. Not exactly the most fun club to be in....still.
To give some background information, my husband was previously married young, at 23, forced into marriage by religion and parents. Cheated on that wife.
We have currently been married for almost 8 years. In 2017, when I was 3 months pregnant, I found out that he had been having an affair with, and talking to multiple women. One of which was my best friend. The other he sees at work, still to this day. Kicked her to the curb, we got into counseling, as we already had a 2 year old child, and for the the sake of my unborn child and the idea of not wanting to have my kids come from a broken family like I did, I stayed. Had that baby in 2018. And we did a LOT of counseling and work. I thought things were going well. We had gotten pregnant with our third child (amazing surprise) and couldn't wait to welcome him or her. We welcome the baby in January 2022, and during an argument in February it all of a sudden "comes out, slips, gets off his chest" whatever you want to call it that he got the girl he was having an affair with in 2017/2018 pregnant, she had an abortion. All of this AFTER I had already told him when DDay happened the first time to lay it ALL OUT ON THE TABLE NOW. Granted, I don't know when he found out she was pregnant-- before or after the affair ended-- because honestly what difference does it make. So since February I've been trying to recover from that.
Then last week I get a message from a random chick. They've been having an affair for 10 months. My child is 8 months old. You do the math.
Confronted my husband, who up until now I don't think had hit rock bottom. He's there now, because he knows how serious I am and that I told him I'm done. In the past week, through counseling he's realized his childhood trauma has caused him serious damage (which I do have sympathy for him on, because no kid should have to go through that) that had turned him into an avoidant attachment love style, and sex/love addict. He's also admitted that none of that is an excuse, but he didn't know how to deal with those problems and like a drug/alcohol addict, got that "high" and ended up in the addict circle. Within the first 2 days of this second DDay he spoke with our counselor, got hooked up with a 12 step program and is being more transparent than I've ever seen. Oddly enough, I've never seen him this "light and airy". It seems like the world has been lifted off his shoulders. And he is extremely remorseful. Profusely apologizes daily. Sends me his location constantly. Has finally shared all of his passwords. Leaves his phone in the office when he's home. I could go on for all the things he's changed, but he said even if we don't work out, he wants to make himself better and become "whole" again after feeling broken for so long.
Like others in here, I don't know where to start. I set up boundaries (kicked him out of our room, no physical contact, etc.) and he is following/respecting them. I'm grown up enough now after therapy that I don't want to immediately disrupt our kids' lives and didn't throw all his shit to the curb lol. I know I don't have to make a decision immediately, but this current change feels so different than the last time, I have a slight bit of hope. I'm taking it day by day. My biggest thing is if I ever did decide to stay, how do I even begin to trust again. I guess his continued transparency would do that, but just so many what if's right now. He said his goal is to get a vow renewal for our 10 year anniversary to give me the beach wedding I never had. I told him I admire that goal. I mean, what else can I say?