Texas24 (original poster new member #85352) posted at 9:06 PM on Sunday, October 20th, 2024
What is the best way to deal with a BS telling you that you "don't love them because you wouldn't have done what you did?" Or saying "Why do you want to be with me when you don't respect me?" What are some good phrases to use that help reassure, calm and support?
SacredSoul33 ( member #83038) posted at 10:05 PM on Sunday, October 20th, 2024
"I’m sorry" is always a good choice.
"I’m sorry. I know my actions were not loving."
I’m sorry. I didn’t respect myself either or I wouldn’t have done this to myself, or to you."
I highly recommend The Four Agreements, especially the second one: Don’t take anything personally. It really helped me in the BS role to know that what my H did was never about me.
Remove the "I want you to like me" sticker from your forehead and place it on the mirror, where it belongs. ~ Susan Jeffers
Your nervous system will always choose a familiar hell over an unfamiliar heaven.
Tinytim1980 ( member #80504) posted at 11:20 PM on Sunday, October 20th, 2024
See this is where I've struggled before, I would argue till blue in the face that I loved her and because XYZ happened over the years but I was wrong.
It's a hard pill to swallow but maybe consider you didnt... maybe you loved what your BS gave you and loved that and how that made you feel but you never actually loved her in the way that she feels love or how normal people feel it (as a ws we arent exactly normal).
As I say it's a hard pill to swallow but maybe along with an apology that acceptance is maybe all your bs needs... that being said I could be wrong!
And to your original question be authentic and genuine rather than try finding phrases that may work
[This message edited by Tinytim1980 at 11:37 PM, Sunday, October 20th]
