For the few months he was acting strange and I was in turmoil I really tried to turn our marriage around. I would be amicable, try and be upbeat, try not to get upset etc. While he treated me like crap.
Then I read the messages. I felt so very sick. I froze and panicked. Took screen shots. Confronted immediately. Then took a break.
I returned and said make a decision.
The pain, turmoil, upset, anxiety that I had felt for months went. I now understood what was happening. That it had nothing to do with me. That I was still me.
Since then my opinion of him has diminished. I’m glad I fought for my family for the months prior to knowing. Did I do the pick me dance? Yes certainly before I knew he was a cheat. But I’m fine with that. I did my best with the knowledge I had. Im at peace with the way I was prior to d day. And I think I did well on d day. I fell apart afterwards. But that shows I had the capacity to love as much as I did.
I’ve managed to frame things positively.
Now I no longer think he’s cool and sexy like I used to. I think he is happy to lie. I struggle to frame him positively. But on the run up to d day I thought I was a terrible person who had made my husband hate me. But really he was a scummy liar and wow that revelation did me the world of good.
I realised recently had he left quickly and hidden the online EA I think I would have struggled and blamed myself forever.
