SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Hi everyone,

I’ve been reading this forum for some time now, and I want to say how much it has helped me. So many of your stories resonate deeply with me, and they’ve given me some clarity about what I’m going through.

Right now, I feel completely trapped in pain—it’s there when I wake up, and it’s there when I go to bed. A few months ago, my WH left me for the OW. We share a son, and I find myself struggling every single day to cope with the reality of what has happened.

I know, logically, that he isn’t the right person for me—he betrayed me, lied to me, and then walked away. But what breaks me most is looking at my 9-year-old son and realizing that he, too, has been abandoned by his father. That his father chose a new relationship over our family, over our history together—26 years of life, love, and memories since we were just 19. It’s as though all that we shared meant nothing, and he simply stopped loving me and replaced me.

I cry every day, trying hard to hide my emotions from my son, though I know he can sense my pain. I’ve started divorce proceedings because I don’t see another path forward—my WH doesn’t care about me or our marriage, he’s in love with someone else. Meanwhile, I’m left behind with a broken heart.

I do my best each day to hold myself together for my child, but inside I feel shattered into a million pieces. The unfairness of it all overwhelms me. I’ve been attending IC for a few months now; I know the techniques and, in theory, I understand how I should be coping—but the devastation of what he’s done to me, to our family, feels unbearable.

Today I am especially broken, and I believe only those who have walked this same painful path can truly understand. My divorce date hasn’t been set yet, and honestly, I don’t know how I’m going to get through it.

Welcome to SI officially. Because you said you've been reading for some time now, I'll skip the directions on where some good posts are located.

I'm glad you're in IC and learning coping mechanisms. It's difficult when the pain is unbearable. Please give yourself grace during this time. For me, it took about a year before the pain started to subside. It does get better, but it takes time and it seems to take longer than we want or expect.

You have been heard. Sending you strength! One step at a time. One day at a time, you will get through this. Good to see you are in IC. No way around it, you have to grieve the loss of your M and his horrible betrayal. But never forget that his abandoning his family has nothing to do with you. Nothing you did or didn’t do in your M caused your WH to cheat. He is broken and his own lack of integrity and commitment caused him to cheat. You are the prize.

Do take the time each day to write down self-firming things about yourself. Note the positives, every single day. And do take care of your health and exercise. Go no contact with your WH. Only communicate in writing about custody and financial issues. No contact equals no new hurts. Do not engage with him or argue. He will only try to hurt you. Become a gray rock when you do communicate. You and your son are moving forward. Good luck.

Welcome to this rotten club, mari1999. I'm sorry you're here and for what your WH has put you through. It is such a tremendously painful loss, and deep wounds take a long time to recover from - longer than we ever want - and logic is no help when it comes to pain.

I totally understand feeling that pain is unbearable and wondering how you will get through it. So many tears, it's a wonder our eyeballs don't shrivel up and turn to dust. You must endure it for your son, though, and months (or maybe years - sorry!) from now, you'll be driving in your car one day, and a song will come on, and you'll realize that you feel truly happy again.

Hang in there!