SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Today is my daughters birthday. She had to work at 5am and left before 4am. I have been running ragged the last few days trying to get Christmas, birthday stuff wrapped and done.

The dog died almost two weeks ago and the vet called yesterday to tell me his ashes are there.

The power was out last week for two days and I lost all the food in the fridge, which cost a small fortune to replace.

I have been so damn tired lately trying to find some Christmas spirit and my daughter is still grieving. She wanted no cake as she normally took a photo with Jeeves by her side as she blew out the candles. I barely have any bulbs on my tree, when normally I've have elaborate hand made ornaments. My theme was Grinch for last year, and I couldn't find any of the ornaments.

I got up at 5:30 am to make a roast, potatoes, carrots which is one of her all time favorites so we could have a special family dinner all together. I have 3 of my 5 adult kids at home and one bonus which is her boyfriend. I was at the store when it opened to get balloons, and got roses and put them in a vase. I took it all to her work and she was delighted. I then went shopping for additional potatoes and goodies at Costco.

Now comes the death knoll for me. Her other brother calls and informs me that their dad wants to have dinner with them at 2:30. I opted out as lately he's been hostile toward me, especially after he forced me to hire his new girlfriend. She's a former meth dealer that went to prison and is on probation for 3 more years. She's a real winner. I can't stand her and want nothing to do with her. I never want to meet or talk to her. She's the 3rd woman he has forced me to hire in two years that he's dated. Now all my plans to have a special birthday with my daughter are ruined. We normally watch the 1960's Grinch and Rudolf together.

My daughter tells me that he told her if I go he will leave his gf at home, but if I don't go then he's bringing her. I'd already opted out due to his hostility toward me in general. My daughter said it was a free dinner and they'd eat the roast later for "dinner" with me. They aren't going to want to eat till probably after 6:30 or later, and I had planed the food to be done around 3:30 as she went to work so early.

Now I'm angry, I'm hurt and I'm in a nose dive. My ex's gf isn't family, she's just the newest one he's hooked up with. I'm family. It's MY DAUGHTER not hers. Why is she even there? He and his gf are having dinner with my daughter and his gf made the reservation for lunch, and didn't invite one of her brothers. He would think not being invited was intentional. My daughter makes a call and he's invited, and is none the wiser.

I feel so alone right now. I have to wait to eat with them later after they come back so that some bimbo can have lunch with the child I gave birth to. This isn't right, it's not supposed to feel like this. I can't describe what I'm feeling, but I can't stop crying, and I don't want to do this anymore. I give up. I can't make this feeling go away.

How can he pop in at the last minute and act like he gives a damn? The world stops to accommodate him and I'm left in the cold. I feel like going to bed and not bothering to eat with them when they come back. This has ruined my day and I don't feel much like trying to make it special anymore.

You’ve been heard. Sending hugs and support. You are valued and a person of integrity. You are a source of strength and comfort for your children. It hurts when they take your efforts for granted and seem to reward a Disney parent who only drops in infrequently. Are your children aware of his awful, intentionally hurtful behavior. If not you should let them know how he treats you. You can do it in a calm, matter-of-fact discussion so they can understand they are being used and manipulated to hurt you. They are old enough to understand.

While you are still in this seeming prison-type relationship with such a vindictive individual understand you need to develop a way to steel yourself against the hurt. Think of what a pathetic, juvenile individual needs to deliberately force his Ex to deal with his current dates. He truly is pathetic. Enjoy your children and Christmas. Good luck.

Muggle, that is all really awful, and I can see why you feel hurt and despair. You put so much effort into making it a special day, only to have your horrible ex jump and disregard all your plans. And of course you don't want to drag your kids into the middle of it, so you swallow your lumps, but the lumps are made of thorns and they hurt going down. Your ex is utterly inconsiderate and selfish.

I know we're all advised to protect our kids by not divulging all the terrible details of what has happened to us, but it is REALLY HARD sometimes, and it's unfair that we're the ones who end up suffering on top all the other pain we've been through.

I hope your day got a little better in the evening and that dinner went okay.

What a disappointment and yet another example of your XWS being an inconsiderate jerk.

I’m so sorry you had to eat that shit sandwich. I hope when you all did get together that it was wonderful.

(Also, did your kids know how much work you put in to the special dinner and what time it was planned for? And I agree that they should have some understanding of how horrible your ex has continued being to you.).

Holidays are hard — I hope that today is better for you and a little of that Christmas magic comes through.

Our "kids" are adults ranging from 24-28. They are all fully aware of all the vile things he's done. They've lived it too, they have trauma but not the same kind I do from it. They can choose to interact. I'm stuck in an endless loop of feeling like I can never get past the fact he's treated every woman after me better and they made all the years I was with him pointless and a waste of my life.

He did for them all the things he wouldn't do for me, spent time with their kids but not his own. Took them places we never went, made time to spend with them, remembered special occasions. He treats them like they are the center of the universe and I was some black hole. This makes it feel like swallowing razor blades that I got all the crappy years and they come in at the last moment and take all the rewards I never got. This on top of hearing my daughters bf tell me that all the workers know they're together, as they call each other "lovey" and end each call with "I love you". I don't want to sound shallow but this woman isn't an upgrade. She's bottom of the barrel, the easy catch. Both of them are broken and probably no one else wanted them, but still they found each other.

He's the type of "Disney" dad that shows up for other women's kids but not his own unless it's convenient. He left our daughter with her step sister, (his adult daughter that has nothing to do with him) and her siblings in a Denny's 8 years ago so he could go outside to talk the the 2nd to last affair partner about buying her tampons. He was outside long enough for everyone there to finish their meals without him, and his daughter cried through the whole dinner.

When his daughter last year made Father's Day plans with him, he blew her off. She called to find out he was at Great Wolf Lodge with the woman he was dating that was 33 years younger. He spent it with her kids and acted like it was no big deal, they could reschedule another day. Her own father did that.

This year when she called her father after she had a car accident two hours from home, looking for him to come help her, he was too busy babysitting young kids from another woman he was dating. He told her he could tell her what needed to be done.

If I won the lotto I'd move and never look back. Nothing there but pain. I found out yesterday that the new gf quit her job and will now be working full time for him. She's stepped into my shoes without the blisters, or the trauma. He makes concessions for her that he doesn't for others.

I don't know what God's plan is, but I'm at the end of my rope. I'm going to start documenting everything in case he tries to eliminate my job.

He made another stab a couple of days ago to get me to help him with his text message retrieval for his sexual harassment lawsuit. I had told him no, that it makes me uncomfortable as that was a woman I also worked with and I don't want to read or see their texts. Her attorney's are asking for more money than I received for 25 years together, which seems absolutely unfathomable.

As always the IRS is looming, so is his lawsuit, he has her to lean on for the fun stuff, and he thinks I'm going to step in and save the day like I've always done because my job depends on his staying afloat. Karma is taking it's sweet time if it's coming.

Hugs (((Muggle))). You need a few. You are a great mom. You don't deserve any of this.

I went through something similar and I eventually learned to stop facilitating everyone. That meant my child too. Your STBX is a jackass, and if your grown kids are aware of that as you suggest, then shame on them for giving him first dibs on holiday time at your expense. You have a right to tell them they've been inconsiderate to you, and you are hurt.

This is not about putting your kids in the middle of your divorce or asking them to choose. This is about kids being respectful of their mother and the incredible efforts you've made for their happiness. He operates like you and your feelings don't exist, and just plans what he wants to do. It's time you start doing the same.

You will get through this. Eat when it's ready, and when you want to. If they show up after their day with him, tell them where the left overs are. They're grown. I assume they know how to operate a microwave.

Merry Christmas Muggles.

I think they are surviving and trying to navigate shark filled water. They all gravitate toward me, and have minimal contact with their dad. A dinner here and there that most times they have to make first contact. He shows up occasionally when needed but only briefly.

He really did trade his family in for a new one years ago. I've been the backbone and sole person in their lives and they come to me for most everything. I believe they want to try to appease us both, and tried to make it work by meeting him for "lunch", even though it was later in the day. I was disappointed and felt robbed of the time I had planned out ahead of time.

The genuinely annoying part is he never makes any plans, he shows up at the last minute. He can plan a date with whatever woman he's chasing, but can't plan ahead for his kids, is seems. I'm tired of him getting a participation award for minimal.

Stay out of my lane if you aren't going to drive is how I feel. He left me with 97% of all the burdens and heartache, and prioritized booty call over being present.

Last I checked there wasn't a course teaching us how to navigate after being thrown to the curb, betrayed and emotionally destroyed. No one tells you how to breathe, function or do all the things you have never done in your life that a man or woman did for you for decades when they were your partner. The reality is it's a crash course on top of dealing with all the emotions, anger, grief, at the same time. You feel empty, but none of this was your doing, but you are suffering and they aren't. They may suffer in time, but for the moment you are alone in your anguish. All the moments you are an inch from giving up, tapping out or completely unable to cope you still have to. I wish they could feel what they've caused in it's full force, but some will never face the music. Some will and we may not be there to have the satisfaction of knowing it comes full circle back to them.

For anyone feeling alone, neglected, invisible you are seen here if no where else. You are showing up and getting no reward for it. You are being a good parent, are still a good person. Your views on life may be jaded for a time, but I'm hoping that won't last forever. I really do believe he is NOT a good person and I've been seeing him in his true form for some time now.

Even a serial killer can appear nice some of the time. I need to remember he is a creature of habit and the cycle will likely repeat in time.

He’s probably going to die alone.