Chiming in as a writer, I wouldn't want my spouse with me at a residency, especially if I'm a guest of honor. Usually for a residency, you're there to have focused writing time, and in between, doing talks/critiques with other writers. You want space and quiet while back in your room, and it's not typical for people to bring family members.
Now, if it's just a conference, people often bring their spouse and/or kids, and it's not a big deal because you're just running around doing panels, readings, and signings. The point isn't to get a lot of writing done, so having people stay with you isn't a big deal.
It does make sense, partially, in a normal situation. Partially because your spouse can stll be with you for the night, and out your way for as long as you need alone time.
I did many events were I was on stage and it was stressful to prepare, write rehearse.
Never disturbed me when my wife was around because she kept away, when I was done, called her and met.
This is not a normal situation since she is a cheater and she seems to be unable to get her story straight.
Her partner is in distress because of her past choices. And she chose to not care about that.
Of course this shows clearly what her priority is between:
- Her marriage and Family
- Her event (devil's advocate, is still fishy)
- Her sexual adventure / affair (likely from previous patterns, lies and current gaslighting)
Even playing devil's advocate, this event matters more than her marriage and husband. Legitimate choice, she can do that.
For the OP nothing changes, 180 or Divorce. She is telling where you stand in her life. She is establishing a new precedent that you Must accept or else... You decide what consequences.
I would serve her divorce papers right away. I can't tolerate bullshit anymore.
I’m trying to be positive, but as you and many others know, for the betrayed that is hard to do. Also, the policy at the hotel is that spouses can come for the last day/night. My wife nixed this. Refuses to give a straight answer. She just feels "better that I just not come".
Bullshit.
Thanks again. I think I will leave the thread to more important ones. One thing I do plan on doing before she goes is to be very present, let her know that I love her very much and send flowers to her room with a nice card before she arrives. As Trdd said, be positive. If I’m wrong or missing something, then I want her to feel that I care deeply.
Pick me dance does not work. Never. This is "please don't have sex with someone else again, because I sent you flowers".
She does not care. At best she really does not want you in her life -> compartmentalization (cheater pattern), and she gives you shaky and fuzzy excuses (read lies) as rationale, which is not very lovely.
At worst rather than flowers she could use condoms. Whic seeing the past betrayal and current bs is likely.
Not confronting this prior to her going will IMO be detrimental to your relationship. You are going to spend every waking moment wondering why she was so adamant that you not be there. Ask her point break if this guy is going to be there and watch her body language VERY closely, maintain eye contact. If she deflects and becomes mad, that is a clear sign of guilt IMO.
Exactly.
If you love her, confront her.
And you will know.
Because chances are she is at it again.
You are enabling it by your hope that she changed.
If someone lies to you they did not change at all.
