SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I know it’s awful and not fully reasonable or fair, but I feel jealous of those of you whose spouses confessed.

My H "confessed" but made it seem like a one time thing. Or not to be taken seriously. Ten days later he tells me he is D me. 😢

I did not know about SI at the time. I was operating on common sense BUT not making the right choices at that time (though I thought I was).

For the first three months I made all the mistakes - pick me dance, dragging him down the reconciliation path — meanwhile he’s still cheating.

After six months I finally wised up, put on the bitch boots and told him to get out and oh, BTW, I am Divorcing you.

So trust me when I say that just b/c the cheaters admit it, doesn’t mean they are telling the truth or are being noble. They are still lying cheating jerks.

PS I knew that one night when he came home 6 hours late and never responded to a call or text message that something was going on. That’s why I got up out of bed when he came home (which I never do) and confronted him in the kitchen. I knew. I just knew.

goingtomakeit

I am in love with her again. But she is not my soulmate anymore.

Hopefully, someone else sees their spouse as two people, and has somehow reconciled the two. How do I merge these two versions of my W?

The AP didn't stab you, your Partner did. I don't buy into AP's preying on Partners. A Partner who cheats possessed shitty morals that led them to cheat. AP's are just a tool for them.

This is a shitty road. I should not be here-ever. I should not know about SI.

Soulmate - just a way to say someone you know who shares a lot of your life's dreams. Implying that ALL of the dreams mesh.
Nah - "Pie in the Sky" thinking

I don’t think I can love her like I used to. She was my number one. Now, my sons are number one. My sister is number two, I am number 3, and she is number 4. I don’t think I can push her up, I’ve tried, but my sons and sister never betrayed me.

If you're going to stay - give all you have. Sort of like deciding to climb a mountain. You either do or don't - halfway ain't going to get you to your goal.
Well, suppose you physically can't. That is just your lot in life so figure out how to accept and move on.

Make here Numero Uno in your life and see what happens. If no reciprocation - you have your answer regarding what she thinks of you. The fly in the soup? - You have to accept she regards you (conscience or not) as 2nd best. Or?

If you don't or can't accept your situation, decide to work on fixing. You get IC (Cheating in a Nutshell should provide perspective) and get a copy of "The Body Keeps the Score" for you. For her - she needs to figure out what makes you #1 in her life and show it. By actions and words too.

You can't push a rock with a rope.

Unpleasant work to do . . .

and your handle? goingtomakeit - does that handle still apply? What do you WANT and what do you currently SEE and where do you want to be in the future? Try and map your work to do so that you are working on the path to that goal.

Life is hard

My stbxh travels for a living so I went to see him one weekend. He feel asleep and I went looking in his shower bag for dental floss. I found a secret phone instead, turned it on and found sex videos of the two of them and graphic pictures! I was devastated beyond belief as he had lead me to believe he was impotent for two years! He wasn’t!!