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I finally insisted on a polygraph and after our 3rd DDay ….he passed. So I now know the truth. Does it change anything- not really except I feel calmer. I fought hard, was very empathetic and forgiving looking for answers but this last DDay broke me. When I look at him he is a shell of the man I loved for 26 yrs. We are separated . You’d think he’d fight for us, maybe he thinks that’s what he’s doing but all I see is a weak broken man :( I realize how much I held the family together and now am letting it crumble. Polygraph- I resisted for a long time thinking it would just be too much shame for him, turns out it probably was ….but I have what I needed

Then there is your closure, or as good of closure as one can get.
Try to keep moving forward. This is so hard, but even tiny steps forward are still forward.

Glad you got the answer you needed. (((Hugs)))

Your husband doesn't deserve credit for telling you the truth. He only fessed up to everything because he wasn't able to talk you out of the polygraph. If you had backed down and allowed him to persuade you out of taking one, he would've taken all his secrets with him to the grave with him.

I think the benefit of the polygraph, even though you're separated and on route to divorce, is that you will no longer feel compelled to try to find the missing puzzle pieces of your past. You can let it go now and focus on the future.

You’d think he’d fight for us, maybe he thinks that’s what he’s doing but all I see is a weak broken man :(

Perhaps he's accepting that he can't be the person you thought he was and would need him to be. Perhaps he thinks that the hill he would need to climb to win your trust would be too difficult to climb, if it's even possible at all. Perhaps he can't handle the fact that you now see him for who he is and not the perfect husband/"model wayward" that he pretended to be-- and he can't handle that.

His reasons don't really matter. What matters now is that you can unburden yourself and dedicate the time and energy you need to your own healing and wellbeing.

[This message edited by BluerThanBlue at 7:56 PM, Thursday, December 18th]

Thank you all for your considerate and thoughtful responses.

Bluerthanblue-yes!

[This message edited by SatyaMom at 11:37 AM, Monday, December 22nd]

Adding my vote to Bluer's comment about you now being able to dedicate your energy to your own healing.

My situation never involved a polygraph, but it was a bit similar in the sense that after DD#1, I was hoping he was the person I fell in love with and married. A good person who'd made a very bad decision. After what turned out to be false R for 12 (!) years, DD#2 happened just short of our 24th anniversary. And while I'm certain there is more truth that I will never have, I am at peace with that. DD#2 gave me what I needed to know. His actions and words during and after DD#2 made it clear that he is a struggling individual who is not able to have an emotionally healthy relationship, and he is not willing to do the work.

And oddly enough, that information allowed me to file for D and walk away from this marriage with peace and calm. I felt an incredible sense of relief and lightness knowing that I'd done all I could - and it was time to move on. And now that I'm a few days shy of one year from that moment, I can say that it has been an amazing year. I think I'd done all my grieving at DD#1 and in the years after, so by the time I decided to D there was no grieving left to do. Just putting my energy into myself and my kids and my new life.

Hoping for the same peace and healing for you, and here's to a positive new beginning in 2026!