SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I been with my girlfriend for 10 months now, She had a guy in her instagram, which she meet in Tinder, we had 2-3 times fights about this because I couldn't accept that even if she was saying it's just a friend we never dated or anything like that, 5-6 months ago at our last fight about that she deleted this person in front of me and I wasn't thinking anymore about that person, 1 month ago I had her phone in my hand I went to her WhatsApp that moment this guy texted her, I asked her what is this she said how should I know why he's texting me etc I didn't trust her and I replied to that person and asked can you please check our conversation when was last we spoke and text as I don't have our conversation anymore and I found out she spoke and text 2-3 days before, She muted notifications from this person so I won't notice that, she keeps saying I didn't have any intention of cheating ! wanted to ask if he can help to find a job, I can't trust what she says, as I warned her long time ago things like this situation etc I can't accept in my life, She been telling me and assuring I wouldn't never ever do something like that I wouldn't do that because I respect myself I have values etc and she made me believe she would never do such a thing!
Any honest advice from you guys as this is destroying me, I can't break up because I love her but I can't even forgive what she did behind my back, if was one time I could classify as a mistake but unfortunately it wasn't one time!

My recommendations:

1) Start with finding your desire to recover. Stop thinking of yourself as 'broken forever' - it only feels that way for a while. You most definitely can recover. Remember that.

2) It's possible for trust to get rebuilt, but it takes a few years, and it's not guaranteed. You've given 10 months to this relationship and learned something. You've also learned she's not trustworthy. Can she change? Yes. Will she change? No one knows.

You say you love her. Check out the meaning of the term 'limerence' and do some reading about it. If you do that, I think you'll find that your best bet is to dump her.

Dating is the job interview for marriage.
She failed the job interview.

Be happy you found out before you married her.

Dump her today.

Those who have nothing to hide hide nothing.

She is hiding the truth and lying.

Honestly, IMO she's failed the committed relationship test.

Find yourself a good IC and move on. You deserve better.

So sorry.

Welcome to SI and sorry you're here. There are some posts pinned to the top of the forum that we encourage new members to read. The Healing Library is full of resources, too.

If you can, IC (individual counseling) with a trauma-informed therapist can be helpful. If you have trouble sleeping or with depression, you may wish to see your doctor for some meds.

If your WGF (wayward girlfriend) does a lot of work to become a safe partner, which includes IC, it's possible that she can change. But it does take a lot of work.

I’m sorry you are facing this issue in your relationship w/ your GF.

I hope you know you deserve better.

Love hurts. It also means that you have to accept that your feelings are not always going to be reciprocated. By that I mean you would not lie & cheat on your GF but unfortunately she does not have the same values.

Why she keeps reaching out to the Tinder guy is not a problem if she were honest. But she’s lied and hid the truth. 🚩🚩🚩🚩 in my book.

We have all been in love. Sometimes it’s with the wrong people. In my dating days I was crazy about a guy I learned was a serial cheater. As hard as it was I ended it immediately. I was grateful to the person who told me too — that took guts. But it stopped me from making a HUGE mistake and living a life of unhappiness.

You can be happy — and decide you are not willing to be in a relationship w/ a liar. That (her lying) most likely won’t change — ever. Once the dust settles and you don’t have this drama in your life, you can start over again in a new relationship w/ someone that values you.

[This message edited by The1stWife at 10:25 AM, Saturday, March 1st]

She’s cheating on you.If you dig deeper you’ll find out ,but save yourself from the pain and suffering that comes with it.You’re only dating this person,not married she failed the interview for you to hire her for the job to be your wife.Like some have already said.,get rid of her now and move on.I’m sorry you are going through this you deserve better.

Typical cheater behavior. Exit quietly my friend. No need for drama. Just go.

Sounds to me like she's spinning plates, trying to keep her options open and looking to see if there are better deals out there. Break ups are tough, but you will heal. If you are not a priority for her now, what will you be in five or ten years. What happens when you have a mortgage and kids? Put yourself first.

Nekorb .your slogan at the bottom of your post about cheaters is 100 percent spot on

I’m sorry you are going through this, 10 months is a very short time to get a glimpse of a future with her. Don’t settle for her crumbs, it will only get worse, especially if you give her a pass in the name of love. Expect a higher standard for your self. Time to throw this one back in the Tinder pool.

Why on earth would you want to take YEARS to rebuild trust in a GIRLFRIEND as has been suggested? She utterly failed the girlfriend test. Stay with her if you love pain.

I am sorry this happened to you. For your next girlfriend, may I suggested laying out your boundary you will never remain with a woman who secretly communicates with other men.

** Member to Member **

@gr8ful,

Will you point out where it was suggested that Broken4ever5 rebuild trust? I don't see it, and I wonder what I missed.

Thanks.