SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I haven't talked to a lawyer yet. I know I need to. I also know I need to separate finances. You have given excellent advice. I just haven't done it. I could make excuses, but I just don't care enough to do it yet. I am working on that. The apathy is very hard to overcome. I can't tell you how many responses on here I've typed and then just closed the window because I didn't care enough to finish typing.

The kids seem to be completely untouched by all this. They are extremely smart kids, top of their classes, and we both have good relationships with them. One of them is a little more cruel when she gets snippy with her mom now, but my relationship with them seems unchanged. Me and my kids are big nerds so we have plenty of movie/comic/anime/music/games stuff to talk about. If anything, we are tighter.

Even though I haven't yet taken the advice, I do very much appreciate it. I'll get there, hopefully.

Are you in counseling?
Your self-admitted apathy can be a very strong indicator for depression.

Today is potentially a very triggering day...it's the first time since D-Day I'm going to be working at the same place as my wife and her AP. (My job requires me to go to different sites, and often their workplace is the site.) He usually is in a different building, so it's unlikely I'll run into him, but it's a possibility.

Bigger, I was already in therapy and pretty heavily medicated before D-Day, so I'm all good there. I already had depression. Honestly, this indifference to the world is the best I've felt in years. I feel free. I don't have to do anything anymore. I could walk out the door with nothing but the clothes on my back and be okay.

I feel like my life is just beginning to start. I'm almost excited about it today. Maybe I'm coming out of the apathy.

The feeling of feeling free is a great start. Use that feeling to start to take control of your life and how you want to live and with whom. Use that feeling to get out of this limbo you've been in.

You don't have to take every step or action we've been suggesting you in this thread all at once (that's impossible.) Make a list of things you feel you need to do (I highly advise, no, implore you, that you put consulting an attorney(s) at the top of the list.) And then work your way down the list. Heck, today all you may accomplish is making a list of things to do. If so- great that's your first step.

Kinda like Matt Damon's character in The Martian. You work one problem, accomplish one thing and then move on to the next problem or step. Adjust the list as necessary as you go. As you work the list, you'll start to feel better as you start to take control of your life. Eventually, you'll come to the fork in the road where you need to make the ultimate decision of whether to divorce or attempt R. But you need as much information as you can get to make a clear eye decision. No matter what, you should feel a hell of a lot better in your life by taking control.

Make 2 copies of the list, keep one at work in you desk/locker/wherever...another one on your phone under a password protected file.

Review the list with the attorney(s) during your initial consults, they will have advice and will tell you what documents they will need before they can initiate the divorce petition (identifiers for you, your WW and children, financial info, X# of years of past tax returns, marriage license, etc.-- add those needed documents to your list.) They will most likely have additional steps that you will need to take. Ask them about separating finances... more than likely that will be in the next few steps on your list... but this is already getting too long.

Take it one step at a time AllThatJazz.

How are things going AllThatJazz? Has the apathy subsided?

Thanks for checking on me, ASC. I'm doing okay. Mostly past the apathy. Doing the 180 and just living my life like I was a single person (except for dating, I'm not interested in that and, if divorce occurs, still probably won't be for a long time). Getting out, doing 5Ks, going to movies by myself, spending more time with the kids, etc. I am enjoying the amount of women who tell me I look great and/or cute. It's been a long time since I've heard that. (I've lost a lot of weight and am taking much better care of myself.) I spent several days away for a job-related conference and I felt like the old happy me from before I got married. I know there's a good path out there should I decide to not reconcile.

Still haven't talked to a lawyer. Still know I need to. I'm not quite ready financially or mentally to deal with that fallout when she inevitably finds out.

This weekend is the event I think I may have mentioned before...where all four of us involved will be at the same event with all of our children. It's really unavoidable, but I think I can handle it now. I'm not going to sit with my wife. Going to sit with my father instead, she can just sit with her parents. I feel I will get a good glimpse into how my wife's AP and his wife are dealing with it (which I think is likely rug-sweeping). I actually feel its time for me to see them. I'll be monitoring how my wife reacts to all this. I'm hoping I have developed the strength to push through the certain trigger this event will cause.

I'm not sure what to report about my wife's reactions to the 180. I'm not paying a lot of attention in that respect. If I had to guess, I'd say she thinks I'm just mad at her. No real reason, but that's her default when I'm not paying attention to her. She keeps wanting to have long discussions still, but I just tell her I'm not interested in discussing our marriage currently. She sulks off, head down, literally.

It's 3 and a half months post D-Day.