I always say that you have to deal with the person who is standing in front of you today.
She may have been a fantastic wife in the past, but how can that possibly detract to what she is doing today? She is ripping your heart out. I don't necessarily believe that she is this master manipulator who is walking you around by puppet strings, and I absolutely believe that she was blindsided when reality started to hit her. But what she has done, instead of trying in the least bit to acknowledge the pain that you are in, is to put herself first....as usual....for the last couple of years. From what you describe, it even goes back much longer than that. Instead of realizing that you were sacrificing(as couples that work as a team often do) by putting her needs first so she could caregive, she instead focused on herself, and decided to put herself first....although she had been doing that for a looooong time prior, I would bet.
How on Earth do you shit where you eat, especially on something that was so important to her, unless you are that selfish, reckless, and oblivious to everything outside your immediate world? And to double down when given the choice of her 18 year marriage or her 2 year career, tells you just how off her compass is at this point in her life.
And this is the person that you have to deal with. The one standing in front of you.
BH-50s
WW-50s
2 boys
Married over 30yrs.
All work and no play has just cost me my wife--Gary PuckettD-Day(s): EnoughAccepting that I can/may end this marriage 7/2/14